Neverending Storm Pt 2

That saying you often see on Facebook or a t-shirt, " It's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine," I find very appropriate for today lol! Thankfully I have practiced the 'pause' method and use it as needed. Sometimes you just have to take a step back, recollect yourself, and move forward. If you don't, more often than not, you're going to stay in that frazzled state and you might as well kiss productivity goodbye lol! 

One of the things I am referring to is that virtual appointment I was supposed to have today which didn't happen because my phone wouldn't cooperate. Because everything, and I mean everything has been so complicated, when I have days where everything I try to do is, it doesn't take much to get me mad and frustrated. When you don't feel good and are overly emotional as a result of feeling like poo, it's bound to happen. Most of the time, I can handle it, but have my days. I've gotten some extremely valuable tools from AA and to be honest, the program would help a lot of people alcoholic or not. One of the things mentioned in the program is about how alcohol is so cunning, baffling, and powerful. Again, I am living proof of that! To go from being totally against drunk driving and hating alcohol to becoming an alcoholic should tell you something as well. I feel it's important that I tell you, I have no problem with people who drink, I could care less what you do as it's none of my business and there's nothing wrong with drinking. Just as with overeating or anything else, addiction is addiction no matter how you dress it up. Most people at one time or another have driven under the influence. The only difference between you and me is I didn't get caught. Thankfully, I don't have to worry about that anymore!

Back to my story from Monday evening........So, the one bad experience in the ER I spoke of at the end of Monday's blog happened in May. I ended up having someone who I'd not had before [ PA or Doctor ] and my husband had to work, so I had someone else with me. I prefer having my husband with me for normal reasons, but also because all the Doctors know him, respect him, and are friends with him. He's my safety net as far as how I get treated. Sad to say but true. When he is with me I get treated like a queen!! I haven't had problems when my mom and mother-in-law have brought me in either. My friends that showed up in May couldn't get there until I'd already seen the PA I had that day. It was Memorial Day weekend, it was beautiful outside, and I don't know anyone in their right mind who would want to have an ER visit then or at any time. The PA treated me like a drug seeker which I was already leery of to begin with. She was mean and snotty as was her young little nurse! Monkey see monkey do......you have crappy leadership, you're going to follow suit, unless you actually have your wisdom and sense in tact.....js. I got moved to a different room where I could be monitored more closely because she decided a Ketamine infusion was the way to go. The PA's nurse comes in and just says, " oh you're about to have some fun!" Not my idea of fun, but okay....I'd never had this before and usually, to my knowledge, Ketamine is typically given and a large amount at one time to reset broken bones. I did find out afterwards that apparently it's supposed to help with pain. They didn't warn me at all about what it would feel like or anything. Thankfully, one of my good friends and her daughter who is a nurse showed up just in time before the Ketamine took effect, because it was bad!! I was confused, my face and tongue went numb, it was hard to swallow, etc etc and I thought I was having another anaphylactic episode. The young nurse comes in, I am crying and upset, and she says in a snotty voice,      "Oh you're fine, you're vitals are fine," and just blew me off. I started sweating and felt like I was going to throw up. Once it wore off, the PA came back in and asked how my pain was and I said, " uh, it's the same and all we did here is send me on a wild Ketamine trip!" Then she got snotty again, and says, " do you want some Toradol or should we just forget it?" I said, " No, I'll take it since that's the only thing I can get!" She didn't send in a script for nausea or anything at all!!!!!! All that trip to the hospital did when I was in dire need of relief is leave me feeling completely helpless. And, you can bet your booty I reported the incident to Patient Advocate Services. There was no vindictiveness or ill will attached to my motives here. Nothing is worse than being left feeling helpless when you feel that horrible!! It's not just about me and stopping it from happening again, it's about making sure that the number of people it happens to is cut down. When I fight for myself and have to be my own advocate, I am also fighting for other people in an effort to eliminate them having to go through some of the s*** I have had to deal with. Needless to say, I haven't had another problem since but it made me too afraid to ask for help when it's needed. For the most part, that fear has dissipated. 

June and July was transition time. I FINALLY had a good Primary Physician whom I absolutely love, and honestly, a LOT of Doctors could and should take notes from this guy [ Dr. Chris Conrad ]. When I say transition time, I mean getting started with my new Family Doctor, and getting connected [ FINALLY ] to all the specialists I needed. Then of course comes the waiting game of getting in to see said Specialists, and once you have seen them, waiting what seems like forever yet again to get in for procedures and tests. In July, I began having to go to Indy every week, sometimes twice a a week and this has gone on until just recently and we have a break until my Colonoscopy Friday and Surgery November 18th. It's expensive and exhausting! At least we were finally getting somewhere. It's hard to be patient when you have felt so bad for so long and you feel like it's never going to end despite knowing that at some point we would reach the light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Your mind starts going to questions like, " OMG how long is this going to go on? How long do I have to keep going through this?" There's desperation for answers and not just to feel better, but to get your freaking life back! I am an active person, who eats clean, and takes very good care of themselves. So, it's frustrating after all I do, to have this happening over and over. 

 My health has been a full-time job, with all the organizing, phone calls, messages back and forth to my Specialists every week. To top it off, the long-term disability I was on which was supposed to be good for twenty years, got cut off and very very wrongfully so!! Because of restrictions and how much I was limited on being able to work as it is already, the income I was getting was basically at this point my last shred of independence. Not to mention, financial strain and stress. You pretty much have to be a vegetable it seems to keep getting approved for the long-term until Social Security Disability kicks in. I have a lawyer for that and we are just waiting on a court date. With all the problems I have, I will get approved it's just a matter of finishing the process. At this point, they owe me back pay of $70,000.00. Like I said before in previous posts, God is faithful and has NEVER let us down and has always taken care of us. I do all I can in the natural and give it over to God. We've had people help us, pay for hotel stays, and I also received help from the Gofundme page I started. That has died down, but I know more help is on the way and we are very grateful for all of the help we have received thus far. Despite all the faith my husband and I have, it can still be unnerving and stressful at times, but I try to just continue casting my cares on Jesus and trusting. One way or another, everything always works out and ends up being okay. The silver lining, times like this just make you stronger and grow your faith even more. It makes a huge difference when you and your spouse are believers in Jesus and are on the same page [ equally yoked ]. I may have lost a lot but through all of this, my marriage has stayed good, it's stayed solid, and we are a tight team. I would rather have that than all the money in the world. This storm in all honesty has only brought us closer. I thank God daily for that and for all that we do have. Each storm I go through teaches me more and more and I have gotten really good at finding the silver lining in each bad circumstance weather big or small. 

As of right now, the projected time for me to start getting back on my feet isn't until February or March of 2025. I love working and can't wait to be able to work again even though I can only work part-time 

which I don't like, but I'll take it! We are ready for normalcy and do as much as we can right now to create as much of that as possible. 

I have so much more to share and will get back to it tomorrow!!  

Today's pictures are from our mom's taking turns staying with me, my office that I call my Serenity Room, a car that is NOT mine but looks pretty darn close to how mine did ( until I can show you actual accident pictures), and a few others. One of them is Rob and I praying together as we do often and let me tell you, it makes a big difference!