Never Settle and Stay True to Yourself

Being vulnerable is not easy, but in doing so, it helps you heal. As I share my story, I can see why it took me so long to get to the point where I was able to. There was far more rooted deep that still needed to be dealt with and obviously I've done my homework or I never would have started this journey. It's freeing when you get out of yourself because you begin to care a whole lot less what others think and helping others becomes bigger than insecurities, fear, doubt and all the things that normally hold us back. Life is short and if my story can touch lives and help others, its worth the risk. Everyone has opinions and we're all entitled to that, but you have to be able to emotionally disconnect and brush off any negative feedback that may come. Being vulnerable also brings healing. As I share my story with you in an effort to help others, I have been healing even more through this process. 

Having been one who has settled in the past [ I think we all have ], I became determined to never do it again. Remember the five year sabbatical I took to learn to love myself and get to know me? Well, when I graduated from College in 2012, that July I met the person who would become my next husband. We had a disagreement concerning spiritual things and he just wouldn't budge and ridiculed me for my beliefs. So things ended after three months of dating. I had settled before and there was no way in the world I was going to do it again. I ended up moving to Michigan in October living with a couple I was friends with from college. I completed an internship at a wonderful church, Valley Family Church in Kalamazoo Michigan. I worked in the Care and Outreach Department and low and behold, I got to work with battered women or women who'd lost their way and were starting over. I did several different things during my internship, one of which was getting to send roses to all of the widows in our church for Valentine's Day. It reminded me of what I did my first Valentine's Day after being widowed. I bought a bunch of roses and handed them out to different women. I knew all of the first holidays were going to be tough and I had to find a way to cope. So, for Valentine's Day that's what I did. It ALWAYS makes you feel better when feeling down, to do something for someone else. 

Anyways, back to the story.........Once my internship was completed, I moved back to Decatur IN , my home town[ in April ], found a job, and did some more ministry work. I ended up speaking at two schools for Operation Safe Prom. With my speech came a video with pictures from my accident and my healing journey. I also did some public speaking at a place called Action Steps Counseling where they'd have me tell my story. This counseling center was for people who'd been convicted of a DUI. I felt called to move back to Oklahoma where I'd lived during college, so in July, I moved back to the house I'd managed while in school. I got my old job back as well that I'd had before and got settled in. Important side note: Every time I have moved, I just knew I was supposed to go and that's what I did. When I moved to Michigan, I had no job yet and within two days of arriving I had a job and began working. 

So, in September, the guy I'd broken up with a year prior text messaged me and apologized for his behavior saying he'd been in counseling etc. It seemed to me that the only red flag I'd found before that was an issue for me had been solved. Long story short, we got married the next September. Little things at a time started happening......like things that were okay before just suddenly weren't, he'd accuse me of the weirdest things that just left me dumbfounded. Then everything went back to good again. Well, a little over two years into the marriage, I went down with my back and had my first back surgery [ I've had 4 spine surgeries and yes because of the accident ]. Everything changed and got really really bad.......it was a nightmare and got so bad. I wasn't even totally healed yet and left for a few days to stay in a hotel. He'd gotten drunk and hurt me, that's why I left. It wasn't to be vindictive, I was scared and in shock wondering what on earth happened and how did we get to this point. Well, when someone lies to you about where they are spiritually making you think you're on the same page, gets abusive verbally, and completely changes after you get married, it's just going to happen. When I was down with my back, he did a lot of bad things and my mom almost came back down [ after having come for the surgery ] to get me and take me home with her. That's how bad it was. Oh, sorry, at this point, we'd moved to Mobile Alabama with the plan to end up living in Florida ]. I'd gotten into body building and began to compete as a Figure Competitor. I won my first go round at this. I'd competed that October and from then until I left in February, things were just not going to get better.  So, I moved back to my home town [ Decatur IN ]. I began working as a trainer and did this for quite some time. I had also been bulking to compete in another body building show. Well, in January of 2019, I went down with a kidney stone, and after two weeks I had to have surgery because I couldn't pass it. I ended up having complications. Well, then I didn't even get a break as now we'd discovered I needed a neck fusion [ c3-c6 anterior ]. The competition was obviously out and it was a huge punch in the gut! I worked really really hard and put on 11lbs of muscle and was ready to start cutting when I went down with all of this crap. I had the surgery then right before the shutdown from COVID. By the end of May I was back on my feet and began working again. In June, we lost my brother. I think 2020 was just a bad year for everyone! Side note....I didn't start drinking much until my late 30's. I am now 42 and have been sober for a little over two years and I love my life!! I wouldn't ever go back to where I was. I said all that to say, when my brother died is when my drinking really picked up. I drank too much when I first moved back too. Anyways,  I was an alcoholic for about 5 years. I decided to quit drinking in May of 2022 and all hell broke loose...like really bad, traumatic stuff, one thing after another! We'll pick up tomorrow with all of that ;) 

Remember this in closing.......Being true to yourself, being honest with yourself, promising yourself to never settle, that means never settling for less than your best, and never settling then losing yourself in the process. It can easily happen if you don't fully know who you are. BE YOU!!!! The right people will love you. Don't settle with red flags thinking the person will change after you marry or even at all. Don't be okay with less than your highest potential!! Find that fire within yourself, keep kindling that flame, and go do you, do good in this world, and make it your best life.