New Beginnings

**Hospital Pics ,random are what's included today**
 I'm back! For today at least lol! The more I heal, the more regular my posts will be again. This surgery makes my spine surgeries look like a cake walk!! I've only been home from the hospital for a week today. It's very emotional and tough physically [ more so physically ]. I aced training for urostomy bag changes and care. It's still something to get used to and figure out what works best for me. I will say, it's nice to be able to put on pants or panties even without having to shove my catheter bag through the leg hole. That was a pain in the butt and I couldn't wear pants, just capris or shorts only. I do still have to attach a Cath bag which they call my "night bag" due to the amount of liquids I need to consume daily not only for the health of my kidney, but also for POTS. Hydration is my best friend! My week in the hospital was rough, but they are pleased with how I did. PT said after one visit that they didn't need to come back because I already know what to do because of previous surgeries ;) We had some complications and things they had to do that sent my pain through the roof, but got things back under control including my BP [ blood pressure ]. My IV pole looked like a decorated Christmas tree lol because of all the bags they had to hang [ potassium, calcium, magnesium, etc ] as they all dropped too low and I was NOT allowed to have anything at all by mouth for three days. After that, I was only allowed a liquid diet until the day I left. 

I've been weepy quite a bit and in the mornings. It's not just because of the grieving over what I had to have done, but also an emotional release from all I have been carrying for the last 11 months. You've heard it said that you don't realize the weight of what you've been carrying until it's coming to an end or over. There's SO much truth to that. I just allow myself to cry and work through it, then move on. Also, I let my husband know if I just need to work through it on my own or if I need his comfort, that way he's never guessing. We all need that, but especially men being the "fixers" they are. No one is a mind reader so don't have the unreasonable and unrealistic expectations for your spouse or whomever to be that for you!! Speak and just ask for what you need! I would classify myself as a fixer too but it is slightly different for men. I know that it's just another process I have to work through and that's okay. You can't fight it, and if you try to "stuff" and not deal, it's very damaging, so just don't even go there. Healing isn't conclusive to the physical body and there's a whole lot that needs to heal when you've been through trauma, anything that has caused any form of grieving, physical illness or injury, and emotional battles we may face. If you want to remain truly healthy in all arenas of life, do the work and know yourself well enough to know what you need, as well as what you need to do. If you don't know yourself well enough, just take baby steps and you'll figure it out. But you have to take a step! I don't always know and have to take some time to pray and ponder before I figure it out. When I do though, I get to work!

I'm coming out of one season and into another....slowly, but it's happening FINALLY!!! My battle isn't over just yet as we're facing the high probability of another surgery to fix my last remaining issue, my colon. I see my GI Doctor, Dr. James Thomas in Indianapolis January 16th. I should find out that day all the details about surgery, any remaining tests that need ran, etc. From what I know at the moment, there really aren't any other tests. They believe that portions of bowel that aren't functioning need removed, then we'll have everything fixed and under control. That surgery should be February-ish. I'm tired and the thought of another major surgery is daunting but nothing that I know I can't handle with the help of God, my husband, and those closest to me. I have a goal to be back on me feet and beginning to get back into normal life by the end of March or beginning of April. That may need to change, and again, I hope not but if it does, that's just the way it's going to be. Again, acceptance is key and not fighting it. Continue to make plans and build dreams for the future. There's always going to be hiccups, rescheduling, etc at different points in our lives and sometimes everything goes seamlessly. Enjoy it when everything falls into place seamlessly, and learn to be flexible and able to adjust when they don't. Learn to be an embracer of change!

The key point for today is this......There are going to be MANY new beginnings throughout our lives. With each comes strength gained, lessons, learned, and more wisdom. "No pain no gain," isn't just a statement intended for athletes.....remember that. Letting go of what was, knowing that there's always new hope for the future is critical to moving into your new beginning. Little things that used to seem like a big deal no longer are.....there's part of the growth you'll notice and it's freeing. With each new season of life comes freedom to live more fully. The secret to a rich life is to have more new beginnings than endings, because if there aren't, you've become stagnant. A key aspect of new beginnings is to embrace change and embrace hope as that will be a huge driving force in your life as we remain in this cycle of moving from season to season....from one chapter to the next in this beautiful ride we call life. 

I am a firm believer in practicing what you preach, and I practice absolutely everything I share with you or advise you to do. God is the driver, He's put you in the driver's seat. He has complete control of your vehicle but also gives you free will on the direction you're going to go. The biggest key in all of this is allowing Him to take the wheel, and you will move from chapter to chapter with less heartache and more ease. I pray for this for each and every reader. Make it a great day friends and I look forward to sharing more soon. God bless!!!!