Damaged Goods

Good morning friends and Happy Saturday to you :) I'm still worn out from everything this week, but happy we got more answers as to what else needs done [ you can catch that in yesterday's post ]. No pain not gain, right?! That saying is definitely appropriate for more than just the fitness industry lol! Since my life has felt at so many times like a neverending storm, and I am in one right now, I found it appropriate to add in, between posts, what we're currently dealing with and in the end will all tie together. My beautiful mess lol!! Like I said before, with every mess, comes more fruit. 

I used to feel like damaged goods because of all I have been through. To be honest, for a long time I felt that it made me undesirable, unworthy to be loved, hard to love, and even impossible to love because of all my hurt, pain, loss, ETC.!! I would think, " who is going to want me after all of this?!" I'd been rejected so many times because I can't have children. Just that alone made me feel like no one would ever want me. I'd been scarred, battered, and so much more and felt like the weight of my past overrode anything good about me and anything I had to offer anyone no matter how much work I'd done on my self to heal. I think because of that is part of why I would settle because deep down I believed it was my only chance at love. It's kind of like those people who live in shame or guilt shutting themselves off to the world and feel unworthy of so many things. 

But then, I learned the truth and as always, the truth really does set you free! None of us are defined by our choices, our faults, mistakes, job titles, how much money we have, etc!! That's another thing....I have had to start over so many times its not even funny               [ because of divorce, going through medical stuff that's drained all my money, etc. ]. So many times, I started over with almost nothing, literally! I always rebuilt though, getting a house, rebuilding my funds, and getting set up again to have a nice life. It's frustrating enough when you have goals in the gym and you almost get there or you do reach those goals and get knocked down again. You cling so tightly to these "things" to where it becomes a god in your life and consumes you! It becomes too big and takes precedence over other important things leaving your life out of balance. The fear and anxiety of loss drives you to to do everything in your power to keep it as if that goal or thing you're after will never happen again or that it will never be attainable again. Surely you can see why that was a struggle for me after all I have shared with you. Then, the enjoyment of these "things" is lost because you've ultimately turned it into a job, so it becomes a "have to" no longer because I "want to." It's quite a vicious cycle. 

Any time you try to restore balance to your life it is painful because that requires you to learn the art of letting go and thinking smaller.......don't mistake what I am trying to convey with the last part of that statement. Thinking smaller doesn't mean, don't dream big. It means that you should never put anything on a pedestal and if you do, it hurts much more when that thing is stripped away. Furthermore, a life of balance is much more enjoyed, it's more peaceful, and in order. You quit making things you enjoy a job and constantly burning the candle at both ends only to leave yourself feeling burnt out!! 

To achieve balance and have freedom in your life, it takes discipline and I found that I need to put in that same effort I do with being fit into what really matters most and when you have balance, you can more equally distribute effort and determination more appropriately to be healthy in all areas of life [ physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional]. It's about perspective and progress NOT perfection!!! 

I may have been through a lot but I would never take any of it back and I don't despise it because of the woman I am today as a result of those horrible things. In a nutshell, once I learned who I was, what I wanted and didn't want, and stopped settling, that's when my life became much better. I may be going through a storm now, but I don't feel unworthy or any of those negative emotions listed above that I used to feel about myself. For truth to set you free, you have to learn the truth and that takes changing your mindset which ultimately changes your focus, motives, perspectives, and even your emotions. If you want to be empowered, that's how you do it! Yes, it takes a lot of effort, but a whole lot less effort than burning yourself out and continuing to do what only temporarily works. Like I said before and will say over and over again, pick your hard! 

In closing, no one is unworthy of love and all the things this life has to offer. If you fail or something bad happens, dust yourself off and begin again maybe trying a new way. In doing so, you will find your way, your worth, and much more. Pictures for today consist of, my second neck surgery recovery, the bedazzling I do to any appendage I get stuck with lol, some of my "tribe" [ part of my fitness fam ], one of the widows I helped while living in Oklahoma, my precious little man that is no longer with me and helped me get through so much, and some inspirational stuff. Enjoy and may you be empowered as that is my motive here.  Enjoy this beautiful fall weekend taking time to focus on what truly matters most.