Making Sense of Suffering

 It's so hard to make sense of suffering, having moments of asking God, " Why are you allowing this?!! What am I supposed to be learning from this?! Where are you and how long must this go on, seriously?!!" Parts of my questions I have asked God myself and in anger, frustration, and brokenness. Later on, I always see what the purpose of my suffering was for, but in the thick of it, the overwhelming emotions that accompany suffering and pain can be blinding and even louder than anything else at times. 

I have seen and heard of so many people hurting right now, facing loss, sickness, death, financial hardship, and more. It breaks my heart and I spend a lot of time in prayer for these individuals. I have my own slew of difficulties right now financially, physically, and some days, emotionally. Trying to acclimate to life after having had a Urostomy is not easy! I am facing the possibility of having to have another bag.....depending on if they have to remove parts of my colon and how much. I'd say the emotional part of having a stoma bag is more difficult at times than the physical. I was looking forward to not having to carry around a Cath bag anymore, but because of the amount of water I am required to drink for the sake of my kidneys and also having POTS, I have to still carry a Cath bag or I'd never leave the bathroom as the stoma bag can't be more than 1/3- 1/2 full. I'll adjust and get used to it, but it does steal away the freedom to be carefree and also being free of having extra baggage to carry around with me everywhere I go. Honestly, I cannot and do not spend much time thinking about the "what if's" because I can't handle that at the moment as I am just trying to learn to live without a bladder. We take so many things for granted, and as the saying goes we all know too well, " you don't know what you've lost until it's gone." 

I do my very best to keep a positive perspective, expect the best, but prepare for the worst. I also live by a wonderful quote that helps bring peace in times of uncertainty and waiting...." It's not a problem until it's a problem." I've had several cancer scares and until I've gotten answers, I cling to that quote. We all need something we can cling to when the waters get rough. I'd suggest having some in your back pocket if you don't already because it helps a LOT!!

I'm still in counseling and am going to need it for a while, but even longer if I have to have another major surgery in just a couple of months. My goal is to be back on my feet by spring. Having said that, I am not in control of time or scheduling with Doctors. I just reel myself back in to the moment and remember that my only job right now is to focus on healing. Being a planner, that can pose as a challenge [ staying in the moment and not thinking about what work will look like for me, what I will be able to do and when, etc. ] Thankfully I have counseling this coming Tuesday! Sometimes, bi-weekly appointments don't seem like enough. 

Why is there so much suffering? Do physical and mental impairments escape the control of God? Is He helpless to do anything about accidents and injuries? What should we do when suffering does come knocking at our door? As I have said before, since the beginning of time with Adam and Eve, this world has been imperfect. There is a devil on the prowl seeking whom he may devour, BUT we have a God who protects us outside of the imperfect of this world. We may have to go through some things, but we are NEVER alone and He will NOT give us more than we can handle [ although at times we feel as though our cup is overflowing ]. Those are just a few truths I cling to when I am faced with adversity which sometimes feels unending!!!! Look at the life of Job, whom I have been compared to when others look at my life. What keeps me going is knowing that when all is said and done, I WILL BE OKAY! I always am and the beautiful testimony I have reaches more people than all the pain that was able to reach me. Beauty for ashes my friends.....so much truth in that statement. God is faithful and unchanging, so that is your guarantee that you will reach deliverance and restoration. Sometimes that deliverance comes when we leave this earth and join the Lord forever in our heavenly home. Often times, people view death as God failing them when in all reality, it is healing and it is deliverance! I beckon you to recognize that there is an ultimate source of suffering, but there is also a source of relief from hardships and heartache. 

Don't wait until you're confronted with loss, sickness, despair, and pain [ physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual ] before you realize your great need for the sustaining grace of God in your life. In the midst of heartache we are driven to rely more fully and earnestly on the grace of God and therefore discover the profound peace and comfort He offers to those who are hurting. There is nothing you can go through that God doesn't understand because when He came to earth as a man he endured every suffering you can imagine, and then the ultimate, death! God knows what loneliness feels like and what it feels like to be rejected. Not only was He rejected while dying for all of us, He went through allllll of that knowing full well He'd be rejected again and again after rising from the dead!! Run to the One who can truly empathize with you, comfort you, free you, and carry you. Despise the circumstances, but not God. Just take caution in emotions of despise and anger as you don't want life's circumstances [ living life on life's terms ] turn you into a bitter person because if you do, you've missed the purpose of any trial you have gone through. There is always a lesson to learn, strength to be gained, and people you can help and comfort through the suffering you yourself have been through.