Protection from Manipulation, Narcissism, and Deceit

 One of the most valuable lessons I have learned from my past is how to protect myself from narcissists, manipulation, and deceit. I have ZERO tolerance for it and can smell it from a mile away!!! Jesus and I are tight and He shows me everything! I don't miss a beat, I see and hear everything. The ability to do so is both a blessing and a curse because it takes me being able to exercise self control to keep what shouldn't be confronted to myself and pull on my faith giving it to God to allow Him to be what He's promised..... to be my vindicator and protector. I feel the reason it's so difficult to keep it to myself is my flesh screaming wanting to say to those people who try to manipulate and deceive me, " Really, you think I didn't know or that I don't know what's going on?! How stupid do you think I am?! How could you do that to me?! Furthermore, you aren't as keen and in control as you think you are, so don't you dare try to mess with me as that is your first mistake! You don't mess with a daughter of God!" I'm not God and I don't know everything, and there are a few things that take me a little bit to figure out, but I WILL figure it out and remember as it says in the Word of God that all things hidden in darkness WILL be brought to light!

I am going to teach you what to look out for with the types of people I am describing because I don't want you getting duped, controlled, manipulated, and hurt like I have been so many times. Your first order of business is to not be / quit being too trusting. Yes, you can do that and still see a thread of good in bad people, look for the good in others, give the benefit of a doubt, and not begin thinking everyone is out to get you, because they're not. Everything I talk about in my posts requires a degree of maintaining balance in your life. It took me a long time to not be too trusting because those of us with a good heart have so much love for others. Positive people have a hard time looking for and seeing the bad sometimes. It takes practice as with anything, but you can do it!!! As the saying goes, " anything worth doing takes time and isn't easy." I'm hear to tell you, it's worth it! You're also going to have to learn to set boundaries which when dealing with a narcissist is key to protecting yourself. I'm going to give you key points to watch for when dealing with a narcissist, deceitful, and manipulative people.

We'll begin with the narcissist. When dealing with a narcissist, the biggest key things to look for are the following: 1.] A lack of empathy 2.] A grandiose sense of self importance 3.] A need for excessive admiration 4.] They think they're entitled 5.] They have an inability to accept blame 6.] They are manipulative 7.] They exploit others for their own gain 8.] They prioritize their needs above others often showing little regard for others' feelings, frequently seeking praise and validation while deflecting responsibility. 9.] They believe they are superior to others, often bragging about achievements and accomplishments. 10.] Blame shifting 11.] Manipulation by way of using charm, guilt trips, or other strategies to control others. 12.] Gaslighting which is a BIG one.....denying their actions and twisting reality to make the other person doubt themselves 13.] Projection which is another BIG one......accusing others of behaviors they themselves engage in. So, how do you deal with these people??? Follow these simple yet powerful coping tactics......1. ] Set boundaries, make them perfectly clear, and stick to them! 2.]  Limit your engagement with them.....avoid getting into arguments and emotional manipulation          3.] Don't take things personally, and not taking offense is Biblical. Look at the source and realize that their behavior is a reflection of their own issues, NOT a personal attack. 4.] Seek support from a close friend or even a therapist to discuss your experiences and also work through them 5.] Keep your distance and don't be afraid to end the relationship / friendship. If you've dealt with this type of person, I'm sure you're familiar with the scenario of that individual upsetting you, then getting mad at you when you react as anyone would and then placing all blame on you for any situation, argument, or fight you may have with them.

The manipulative individual we'll cover next. The guidelines in dealing with a manipulative person are quite similar to dealing with a narcissist. And if you can see from the list above, one of a narcissists main tactics is in fact manipulation! 1. ] Be assertive and let them know what you are unwilling to and refuse to tolerate 2.] When confronting manipulators, identify the negative behaviors observed and be specific about how those behaviors negatively effect your relationship 3.] Ignore everything they do and say not giving the the attention they are seeking and not giving in to their every whim doing everything they want you to do or think you should do 4.] Trust your judgement 5.] Try not to fit in 6.] Stop compromising 7.] NEVER ask for permission!!!! Like EVER!!!! 8.] Hit their center of gravity......Put a dead stop to their strategies against you and NEVER let them hold past actions over your head. Stay on topic if in a disagreement with them and DO NOT let them control the conversation. If that doesn't work, simply say, " until you can act like an adult and have a productive and healthy conversation with me instead of fishing for things to hold over my head that are irrelevant to this conversation, then this conversation is over." Then walk away. Dysfunctional relationships from THEIR past is the root of why people are manipulative. You all know the saying, " hurt people, hurt people." You've got to recognize and understand that it's not about you....the root of their horrible behavior has nothing to do with you, it has to do with their past and their old hurts. Manipulative people often disguise their own interest as being the same as yours. They also try to get you to believe that their opinions are objective facts. They'll use a tactic, as an example such as this.....telling you that everyone at work thinks all these horrible things about you then act like they're concerned. When dealing with these people, you have to use "I" statements, to avoid generalities and accusations. For example, instead of saying, "You're taking advantage of me," say instead, "I would feel taken advantage of if I did that." Manipulators will often change the subject or use other avoidance tactics when you confront them. If someone is trying to emotionally manipulate you, they will compare you to someone else in order to goad [ provoke or annoy ] you. They may even try to use a specific person to make you feel insecure. 

Lastly, we're going to discuss the deceiver, i.e. LIARS!!!! It's funny actually, because these people are basically wrapped into the first two types of a-holes we discussed! They are manipulative, give a dishonest misrepresentation of the truth and or withholding information ], unaccountable never taking responsibility, charming to get whatever they want, unpredictable to confuse others about their true motives and keep you guessing, they are secretive, and they are cunning. I must say, all three types immediately and royally piss me off!! I catch it right away, I know when you're trying to withhold information or have lied to me, and it immediately makes me angry. Let me tell you, it takes a LOT to make me mad but if you try any of these on me, I will immediately put you in your place and shut it down!!! Having said that, I also know when to keep my mouth shut and let God deal with them. I used to not be able to do that because I didn't know myself well enough, I didn't have the wisdom and knowledge to prevent it, and I also didn't have the knowledge about the subject at hand to have any kind of defense for myself. Not anymore haha!!  It's really quite easy to tell when someone is lying as their body language and eyes are a dead giveaway. Watch for some of these things.......Excessive blinking, fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, covering their neck with their hand, and compressing the lips. There is no single behavior that indicates deception, but non-verbal cues should be seen as alerts and you better be on guard! 

The actions of a narcissist are weapons of mass destruction that cause so much hurt, pain, and dysfunction. And, hop off of the gender specific list of flaws because people are people and gender has nothing to do with actions. Obviously there are specific things that men and women do differently that we are known for, but the issues I have discussed are not gender specific. Let God heal the hole in your soul that these people have created, and let Him come in and heal your pain as well as the damage done by the actions of these horrible, vile individuals. He's done it for me and He will do it for you! The hardest ones to forgive are the ones you are closest to such as family, a spouse, a best friend, etc because the people who are supposed to love and protect you are hurting you. I have had to work through a lot of hurt and anger from situations like that. It's also very difficult to set boundaries with people you are so closely connected to and love so much. Let me give you some advice......LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN TO DRAW THE LINE AND SAY NO MORE!!! Sometimes you have to love these people from afar and trust God to right the wrongs done to you and deal with them. God will fight for you and as I have said before, He is not a respector of persons and does not have favorites. Again, He's done it for me and He'll do it for you!!! I hope this was helpful and that you will take the necessary steps to protect yourself.