Wreckage To Hope

 It's amazing how much we think we are in control. Control is an illusion and the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be. Had I not been oblivious to this 20 years ago, I would have done things differently. That's hindsight for ya! There is freedom and power in understanding and also letting go of what we wish we could take back, undo, or prevent. We've all heard the saying, "let go and let God," and it's easier said than done. But, the more you learn to do that, the more peace and serenity you have. Acceptance is also key concerning this matter. Acceptance does NOT mean you are okay with what is going on, but rather not fighting it and instead, searching for what can be learned in each trial life presents us with. We aren't always going to get it right, but another powerful key I spoke about in a previous post is forgiveness. It's just as crucial to forgive yourself as it is other people because the more you wallow in guilt, shame, and ...

Being vulnerable is not easy, but in doing so, it helps you heal. As I share my story, I can see why it took me so long to get to the point where I was able to. There was far more rooted deep that still needed to be dealt with and obviously I've done my homework or I never would have started this journey. It's freeing when you get out of yourself because you begin to care a whole lot less what others think and helping others becomes bigger than insecurities, fear, doubt and all the things that normally hold us back. Life is short and if my story can touch lives and help others, its worth the risk. Everyone has opinions and we're all entitled to that, but you have to be able to emotionally disconnect and brush off any negative feedback that may come. Being vulnerable also brings healing. As I share my story with you in an effort to help others, I have been healing even more through this process.  Having been one who has settled in the past [ I think we all have ], I became d...

 The next few years were horrible. I ended up marrying a manipulative, abusive, narcissistic, controlling individual and unfortunately I didn't know myself well enough to know what was wrong in my situation and constantly blamed myself for the problems we had thinking it was because of my trauma, health issues, etc. And, he let me believe it was all me, because that's how people like that are. I got separated from my family and hardly saw anyone. Being without my family was next in line with the accident for gut wrenching pain. I was confused and of course, if I knew then what I know now, I would have done absolutely EVERYTHING differently. Because of the accident I had this fear of loss in about every area of my life. What happened with my family was my fault because of what I allowed. There was something that happened that I would have quickly forgiven and brushed off but I was stuck between a rock and a hard place because my ex was partially right, but so was my family.........

The trial went on for a while, and I couldn't wait for it to all be over. I just wanted to start getting closure. In the midst of all this, I very stupidly met someone at a friend's wedding........mind you, I was not myself or in any position to be making big life changing decisions such as this.....dating. He was pushing me to hurry up and get the trial over settling. That right there should have been a huge red flag. You know how it is though at 23.....We're just so grown and know everything, etc! Will's family turned on me and disowned me trying to say that I never really loved Will and a whole bunch of other hogwash. I can understand the upset, and I was all they had left of him, so I know that would have been hard had roles been reversed. Sentencing day came, and I was going to have a chance to say whatever I wanted to him [ the drunk driver who hit us].  It was very difficult, but I knew what I had to do. It came time for me to speak and this is what I said to him...

 The beginning of February 2005, I moved back home. It felt cold and dead and had lost the feeling of home and warmth. When I arrived, everything was exactly as we'd left it the night we left. We had a scanner and that was still on.....it was eerie, knowing our accident had been playing throughout the house. Funny the things you think of that you would never imagine you'd even have to consider thinking about. How easily we take life for granted until life is taken from us shaking us to the core.  I needed noise, I needed there to be life in the house. I played music and put a bunch of nice plants and flowers in the house....whatever it took to make it feel like home again. I didn't have it in me to take the Christmas tree down until after Valentine's Day. It took me a while to wash his laundry and begin going through the, " when should I get rid of certain things, when should I do this, and that?" The first time I had to go for a check-up at one of my Dr.'...

 Good evening friends. Road to Recovery part #2 will be posted tomorrow. The story I am sharing began at the most pivotal point in my life and I will bring you to current. The reason for delay is I am currently in a health battle, and many of my battles are a result of the horrific accident I am sharing with you.....four big spine surgeries, and much more. I am set to have my bladder removed November 28th. As I said before, I have been in a long 10 month battle with health issues. At least I got a six month break break before it started, because before that, I was down for 15 months having had 3 major surgeries in an 11 month period. I suppose it's safe to say I have had more than one pivotal point in my life that has shaped me into the woman I am today. Stay with me folks, and I guarantee you won't leave without gaining some form of inspiration and more. I'm a humble individual and am just another regular jo schmo. My life experiences and my story have potential to maybe c...

The road ahead of me was long and more so for the emotional healing, dealing with PTSD, and more. I tried to find some pictures I have from some of the things I've talked about as well as a video. So, as soon as I can get everything together, I will share it with you. The one picture I do have at the top of today's post, is of Jesus holding that little lamb and this is the picture that was in my hospital room. I'm anxious to get those things posted as pictures do speak a thousand words, also stirring emotions, and truly bring so much life to my testimony. I don't want your sympathy, I want the bad that's happened to me over the last 20 years to give you hope, give or even restore your faith, and maybe even light a fire in you like that one that has't ever gone out in me.  The funeral was tough in every way imaginable. The church was packed, it was huge!!! I was blown away to be honest and as I was wheeled in, I could feel people staring [ kinda hard not to ] and...