Wreckage To Hope

 I find it highly appropriate and great way to end my blog. I will be starting a new blog, so stay tuned for that! I wanted to post yesterday on the actual anniversary of my accident [ the 20th anniversary ], but I was feeling too rough physically to even mess with it.  Grief is a tricky thing, and when the anniversary of the death of loved ones rolls around, you have no idea from year to year how it will effect you. Yesterday I was okay, but last year I struggled some. You'd think after 20 years that it wouldn't still have any effect, especially after how long it's been. But in all reality, it doesn't work that way. The only thing that changes over time is that it just gets easier. I find myself throughout the entire day and evening [ off and on ] replaying the events of that day in my mind, as I'm sure many do. It's kind of hard not to after having gone through something so life changing and profound. I don't dwell on it, but I also know it's normal to...

"The great thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are going." - Oliver Wendell Holmes This is the time of year when most reflecting on life is done and not just because of the quick approach at this point of beginning a new year. Every year, when the lights go up for Christmas and I am unpacking all the decorations from the previous Christmas, my mind is flooded with so many thoughts about all that has happened since then. I'm always amazed at how quickly another year has been spent and we're already back to the Christmas season. You see all the areas of growth and how much has changed in the last year. Hopefully many wonderful things have happened for you that far outweighs the bad, and you can see substantial growth. I've had one of the roughest years of my life, but all the blessings do far outweigh the bad I have experienced, especially the growth and strength I have acquired. If life was good all the time, your growth would ...

 How many of you struggle with distractions? I know those of us who suffer from ADHD and procrastination are pros at allowing distractions to derail us, but I think we are all prone to distractions just on different levels. I for one, because of mild ADHD and OCD, struggle with this issue. You start out your day being carefully prepared and organized, having the best of intentions, and bam, here comes the thief of distractions!! Sound familiar? Well in battling this myself, I am here to give you some insight and keys to combat this rather annoying and inefficient way of life!  The truth is, distractions are a significant barrier to being productive, often stemming from noise, thoughts, and many other things. I'm excellent at multi-tasking, but can be quickly derailed having a monkey wrench thrown smack dab in the middle of my tasks, thus losing all momentum! I am OCD about being efficient and productive so you can image my level of frustration!!! If you don't like something, F...

 We all go through seasons of heartache and needing time to heal. As I said in an earlier post, I hadn't allowed myself the time to heal before unknowingly (at the time ) just packing more weight into the "suitcase" needing unpacked. So, I beckon you to ask yourself if you've allowed the time and space in your life to heal. It's critical that you do in order to live life to the full without the weight of baggage being a thief of joy and peace. Also, you want to be able to give your best, be your best self which is hard to do if you're operating out of a place of hurt, not wholeness. Maybe you just got out of a serious relationship, you got let go from your job, or a friend did you dirty. I've been hurt and have moved on still hurting, unsure why things keep happening to me. Trust me, I've experienced it all! I'm addressing this issue because if you are in that state, my heart breaks for you. I have been broken, carrying the weight of the world on m...

 It's so hard to make sense of suffering, having moments of asking God, " Why are you allowing this?!! What am I supposed to be learning from this?! Where are you and how long must this go on, seriously?!!" Parts of my questions I have asked God myself and in anger, frustration, and brokenness. Later on, I always see what the purpose of my suffering was for, but in the thick of it, the overwhelming emotions that accompany suffering and pain can be blinding and even louder than anything else at times.  I have seen and heard of so many people hurting right now, facing loss, sickness, death, financial hardship, and more. It breaks my heart and I spend a lot of time in prayer for these individuals. I have my own slew of difficulties right now financially, physically, and some days, emotionally. Trying to acclimate to life after having had a Urostomy is not easy! I am facing the possibility of having to have another bag.....depending on if they have to remove parts of my colon...

 Let me just begin telling you that I have a lot of compassion, empathy, and love for others. I don't care what your race is, your sexual preference, bad you've done, or anything else. I've learned over time not to ever assume anything about anyone or any situation. Facts and knowing the truth eliminates a lot of drama. I HATE drama, evil, hate, meanness, and many other things, but good can be found in every flaw, situation, and even the most hateful person. Just because you accept a person who doesn't exactly believe the way you do doesn't mean you have to agree with their beliefs. The art of "live and let live" is far more scarce than it ought to be. Hate comes from a lack of understanding of so many things such as, cultural differences, beliefs and perspectives, leading to mistrust towards those who are perceived as "different." Ignorance is also a root causes of hate. When you lack knowledge of others, you can easily misinterpret actions or b...

 The most powerful tool to fight anything, is LOVE!! You've heard the saying, " Kill em with kindness," and it works! Whatever is opposite of an evil action, DO THAT!!! As promised, we're delving into the epidemic of hate and it's ever growing, so you better buckle up and learn how to handle yourself because that's just the way the world is and has only gotten worse with time. I'm not always going to talk about things that are roses and butterflies as you should have discovered by now if you've been following me. I'm real, I face reality head on, and I deal. Someone who cares, will try to help you do the same, and that's one of my purposes in blogging among many others. Having said all that, lets get started shall we!! You know haters are gonna hate and you have to just learn to let it roll off of you like water on a duck's back. Is it always easy? Abostinkinlutely NOT! If one of them hurts you, don't feed them power by fighting them ba...

 Every season you go through will teach you something about yourself. That's why I say to embrace the good and the bad as well as remaining teachable. It can reveal your true character, show you the lack of trust you may have in God, or even show you the importance of trusting in His timing when you don't understand it all. You aren't going to feel the nearness of God on a consistent basis through every season and I have spoken about this in previous blog posts. Don't become too reliant on "feelings" of His nearness using that as your barometer for truth about reality because God is always near. There will be spiritual highs and lows just as there are highs and lows throughout our lives. These seasons not only come to grow us, but to show us where there are things that need to be removed or that have been allowed to take root that must be uprooted to continue growing.....also known as "pruning." Not a fun or happy time but the fruit given birth to, s...

 Every season is designed to grow and teach us. Distractions will try to distort your focus and so will your emotions. Be reminded of and focused on this fact: God's timing is EVERYTHING! In those tough moments you may be tempted to turn away from God in anger, but I'm telling you, don't do it! Instead, turn to Him and ask Him what can be learned in this season which is what I do at the beginning of any storm I encounter. [Some of what I am sharing is new, some is a repeat, i.e. reminder]. Praise Him instead and decide with finality that you will keep your eyes on Jesus. Someday, He will show you the bigger picture and you will understand the "why's" behind some of the things you've gone through or are currently going through. Grace will always find you and you'll see worthwhile things grow in the dirt of imperfection. You're going to cry and even complain or get angry at times, and know that's normal, it's okay! Just don't camp out in ...

**Hospital Pics ,random are what's included today**  I'm back! For today at least lol! The more I heal, the more regular my posts will be again. This surgery makes my spine surgeries look like a cake walk!! I've only been home from the hospital for a week today. It's very emotional and tough physically [ more so physically ]. I aced training for urostomy bag changes and care. It's still something to get used to and figure out what works best for me. I will say, it's nice to be able to put on pants or panties even without having to shove my catheter bag through the leg hole. That was a pain in the butt and I couldn't wear pants, just capris or shorts only. I do still have to attach a Cath bag which they call my "night bag" due to the amount of liquids I need to consume daily not only for the health of my kidney, but also for POTS. Hydration is my best friend! My week in the hospital was rough, but they are pleased with how I did. PT said after one v...